You’d think as an adult, you would stop stop throwing the little tiny baby fits you had as a kid. Especially once you have kids because then you realize how ridiculous you’re being sometimes. That doesn’t mean your awareness of the situation automatically makes you immune to the behavior though, right?
You know cookies are bad for you but yet you still find yourself finding ways to justify eating an entire box of girlscout cookies as one serving (Oh wait, is that just me? Com’on that box is soooo tiny!!). You know as an adult being a grump and throwing a fit because you didn’t get your way isn’t really serving a justifiable purpose, other than just doing it for the sake of doing it. So then why do we still do it?
I find this is where Satan gets to me best. He knows one tiny little opening where I am disappointed at the way things went, can lead to a day of self misery, wallowing in my tears and buried under the covers escaping from the real world. Now life pre-kids, I could kind of get a way with that. Life with kids, I find a baby covered from head to toe in marker trying to turn her body into an award winning art prize and the two bigs being quiet and sneaky in the basement single handily unloading boxes on boxes of old clothes and toys they know they are not allowed to touch.
So then what is my reaction – to explode of course! The only justifiable way to solve the situation. My, already on edge, kids need a mom who is falling apart and then explodes because she wanted to take a day to self pity at a party for one (that was sarcasm). Then the guilt sets in, not only in me but in them. They know what they did was wrong and I know how I handled it was super wrong. And I fall apart more. The enemy wins.
You have to pull yourself together. You just have to. The evening goes on and all is well, things kind of get back to normal, or at least you do a good job tucking the sadness deep deep down. My hubby called late that night and said ‘why didn’t you call someone and talk it out with them? You have people who would be there in a heart beat!’ but what he doesn’t understand is people don’t help me (don’t get me wrong, people have helped me before) but when I fall apart people helping me doesn’t help. When I fall apart helping others is what puts me back together.
I came across Philippians 2:3-4 this afternoon – Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others too.
Saturday morning the community was still a mess. We had just faced Windmagedon 2017 and thousands in our town were still without power. I had the opportunity to step up and serve at the church when we finally had power there, and open the doors as a warming center for those that needed it. In the 2 hours that I was there, not one person came but knowing I could help, to be ready and willing, is what God had called me to do. He knew I needed that time of serving to be pieced back together to be my best.
I find myself cringing when I post something on social media and the response is ‘thanks for serving’ because they don’t know that it’s what I do. God has not called me to hang in the background and wait for Him to show up, He has called me to show up to project His presence and be reminded that He is THE one and only thing that can and will hold me together when I want to fall apart. He is the glue.
I post about the things I do as a testimony. If you are standing on the sidelines and find yourself falling apart, step into His light and watch Him work. He uses the bad to bring out the best.